Being Fully Present in our Lives and Work

Credit: © Paha_I | Dreamstime.com

Ellen Galinsky, author of Ask the Children— What America’s Children Really Think About Working Parents, asked children what they would change about how their parents’ work affects their lives.

She also asked the parents what they thought their kids would say. Fifty percent of parents predicted that the child’s top choice would be to have more time together.

Guess again.

In fact, only 10-15 percent of kids said they would like more time with their parents. Contrast this with the 34 percent of kids who said what they want most is for their parents to be less stressed. Only 2 percent of parents guessed that this would be their child’s highest priority.

It’s not more of our time that our kids want but rather our vivaciousness—to be fully alive and enthusiastic wherever we are at any moment.So do you fully show up wherever you are—or are you quasi-committed? Sometimes we have good intentions but just never get there.

Are you the kind of parent who talks about balance and blames your employer for pulling you away from your kids, yet has the television on while you’re with them, polluting their minds with negative messages?

When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart conversation with each individual kid to find out what is important to them and what they’d like from you to improve the relationship? It’s hard to do that with the television on.

When you leave home to go to work, do you say, “Daddy has to go to work now” or do you say, “Daddy gets to go to work now”? It’s a tiny difference, perhaps, but it signals whether you intend to be fully present where you’re going. And believe me, kids pick up those signals and bring them forward into their own lives and attitudes.

Balance means living fully wherever you are—being fully present to your friends when with your friends, with your kids when with your kids, with your spouse when with your spouse, and at work when you’re at work. If you’re thinking about your bowling league during the budget meeting, your numbers might be off. If you’re trying to figure out your fantasy league draft picks while you’re playing catch with your son, you might take one on the kisser—AND draft a third-rate running back. And that would be called justice.

Some of the best parents work fifty hours a week or more and are amazingly connected with their children in extremely functional ways. Some of the worst parents are stay-at-home mothers or fathers who watch television all day—know every soap opera, sleep through most of the day, and yell when their kids interrupt their otherwise unproductive lives by asking a question.

Sounds rough, but we all have friends who fit these descriptions. In fact, there’s a little bit of this in all of us. It’s just a matter of degree.

Resolve today to make a commitment to be where you’re at, one hundred percent. When you’re at work, be productive in knowing exactly what the company objectives are.

Balance is about fully showing up wherever you are and deciding to enjoy being there. And that, like everything else in life, starts with a decision and continues with practice.