Confronting a Gossip

When most people think of a dysfunctional workplace, they picture a lot of screaming and yelling. That’s unpleasant, but believe it or not, it’s not the most destructive thing a workplace can endure. Real dysfunction has little that has to do with raised voices.

If I had to nominate just one thing as the most destructive symptom of the dysfunctional workplace, there’s no contest. It’s GOSSIP. And the only way to root it out is by going straight to the source—confronting the gossip directly.

But how do you confront a gossip?

Step one is to recognize that gossip is an attempt at communication— seriously screwed up communication, sure, but communication nonetheless. You can’t eliminate the behavior without providing something to replace it—namely a good and healthy way of communicating.

If Joe was late once again with his report, Jack might be tempted to do a little quiet backstabbing. But if he wants an actual change in Joe’s behavior and a sane workplace, all Jack has to do is to go to Joe and say, “Joe, when you are late with that analysis, I end up on my knees to my boss because then my report is late. Please promise me you’ll get that to me on time from now on.”

Reasonable. Direct. Easy.

If instead Jack makes the wrong choice and comes to you with gossip about Joe, simply say, “Gee, it sounds like you need to talk to Joe directly so you can work this out.” Then add the clincher: “Let’s go over to Joe right now and make your suggestion about what you want to see changed.”

If Jack says, “Oooh, I don’t know if I want to do that, he’ll get mad,” you point out how much madder he would be if he learned that he was being talked about behind his back! “I know you want to do this honestly, so let’s go ask Joe for what you need.” Reasonable. Direct. Easy!

It’s amazing how quickly gossip withers on the vine when you stop feeding it. So have some courage, be the one who not only declares a zero-tolerance policy for talking behind another person’s back, but also walks the walks. Then watch the dysfunction ebb away.

Quick Tip

Be sure to watch yourself as well! Nothing will kill your gossip-free initiative quicker than gossiping yourself.

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