Anyone who thinks there aren’t two sides to a conflict probably isn’t in one. Can you relate?
The time that something is going wrong is also about the time that most people dig those heels right in to make the case that they aren’t wrong.
What is it with whoever said there was something wrong with being wrong? We’re wrong all the time.
Being wrong is what we do. We’re humans. We can’t possibly be right all the time.
Instead, why don’t we just say, “Oh, that’s interesting. Tell me more about that. I want to understand. How can we work this out together? Sounds like we disagree on this? I wonder what the common ground is? Tell me what do you think we could do to find a common ground to move ahead on this?”
The fine art of the dialogue to work through a complex situation is a skill that we need to figure out as we put our big boy and big girl pants on in life.
We learned our conflict resolution skills, sadly, in about the fourth grade… and most of us have really never gotten more development since that time.
It’s not our fault. But, now it’s time to figure this out. Because we live in a conflict-ridden world.
Work is filled with conflict. Life is filled with conflict.
Learning the skills of conflict, of staying calm, of asking questions.
Don’t assume that you’re right. Be curious about the other side. And bring your best, most respectful self forth.
That takes you through the complexity of conflict so that you always understand the relationship is always more important than being right.
I like to use I messages when resolving issues because they communicate feelings without blaming the other person.
“I feel sad when you say that.”
“I feel ignored when you speak over me.”
So on and so forth. These are also straight from psychologists on how to communicate during conflict to resolve and de-escalate a situation.
The focus is on the person speaking, not the other involved party.