Posts Tagged ‘gossip’

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The Not-So-Innocent Bystander

Monday, May 27th, 2019

Back in college, my closest friends and I would joke around continuously. We’d laugh and we’d laugh. But sometimes, the joking would go just a little bit too far. We’d joke about someone in a way we wouldn’t do if they were there with us.

In those moments, I’d sit back and tell myself that if I weren’t the one overstepping the invisible boundary, well then, I was innocent. I was wrong about that.

You see, I could have stepped in. I could have voiced my opinion with saying “this is not okay!”

But I didn’t.

How often do you passively watch things occur that are inconsistent with your standard of ethics? Imagine just how easy it would be to step in.

Focus on orchestrating only ‘good things around you. Diligently intervene when you see otherwise.

Standing passively by is not the same as standing innocently by.

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Transparency: Bad For Drama, But Good For Business

Monday, November 2nd, 2015

If you’re a fan of Game of Thrones, or House of Cards, or even Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, you know that hidden agendas are great for drama. Everyone is watching everybody else out of the corners of their eyes, wondering what they’re planning to do next.

Imagine how those shows would fall flat is every character suddenly developed a commitment to transparency. It would kill the drama!

That’s exactly why transparency is essential for business. Drama lives in the shadows. Transparency kills the drama by shedding light. When we watch television, we want to see things fall apart. But the same drama that makes for great entertainment can make a workplace unbearable. It can bring productivity crashing to earth, and with it the livelihood of everyone in the company.

Transparency is one of the most essential qualities in today’s workplace. Say what you mean and mean what you say. No hidden agendas. Plenty of sunshine. Be open and honest about what you need and what you intend to do.

A workplace that embraces the need for transparency replaces drama with happy, productive team members—which is better than winning an Emmy, don’t you think?

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Gossip takes two

Monday, February 17th, 2014


Gossip is the mother lode of dysfunctional behaviors—the worst poison in a workplace culture.

And it’s an epidemic. In a survey by the American Society for Training and Development, 85 percent of people admitted to gossiping in the workplace, and 21 percent reported gossiping frequently.

This crazy and dysfunctional behavior has been “normalized.”

In fact, a survey by Equisys found that the average employee spends 65 hours a year gossiping at the office. That’s a week and a half that’s completely non-productive. No, it’s worse than that—the average employee spends a week and a half each year actively undermining the health and productivity of the workplace!

You might think you’re off the hook if you only listen but don’t spread it yourself. Fat chance. If you listen, you are the “buyer,” creating the need that the gossip is fulfilling. If you stop listening, they will have to stop dealing.

There comes a time when we have to grow up, and that time is now. That means no spreading gossip and no listening to gossip. Commit with every cell in your body NOT to participate.

If someone comes to you speaking negatively about another person, it is your ethical obligation to say something like, “I can see you’re concerned. Let’s get a productive result here. Let’s go together right now to talk to Janet and make sure you hear each other’s concerns so something changes.”

Now THAT’S a healthy agreement.

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Never Be Offended

Sunday, March 31st, 2013

We’ve all known people who are a little thin-skinned. An off-color remark or a political opinion overheard in the break room can set their pulses racing. Even if they don’t touch off a war of words by replying, you can tell their ability to concentrate is shot, sometimes for the whole day.

Heck, I might even be describing YOU. (No offense.)

I wouldn’t begin to tell you something isn’t offensive. That’s for you to decide. But you also have control over how you react, including whether you yourself are offended.

In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, Stephen Covey put it this way: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Here’s the thing: No one can offend you without your consent. Think about it. Whether or not something offends me is completely in my own hands. It’s a kind of agreement I enter into, a willingness to give myself over to the emotions and distractions that will wash over me as a result of someone else’s words or actions, killing my attitude, my engagement, and my productivity for who knows how long.

Are you really willing to put yourself in someone else’s control like that?

If you give in to offense, that’s just what you’re doing. People put themselves at the mercy of others if they let themselves be offended. It might be a careless remark, or the way someone dresses or acts that throws you into a tailspin of offense. It could even be something they said or thought about you.

So what? Forget about it! Learn to let things roll off you like water off a duck’s back. You’ll keep your focus better, you’ll stay on top of your game, and you won’t let others manipulate your emotions with their game-playing.

YOU will be in the driver’s seat.

Quick tip

If something really gets under your skin, trying writing down your response on a piece of paper—then throwing it in the garbage. That simple act of expression can often free you up to get on with your day.

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Confronting a Gossip

Saturday, March 2nd, 2013

When most people think of a dysfunctional workplace, they picture a lot of screaming and yelling. That’s unpleasant, but believe it or not, it’s not the most destructive thing a workplace can endure. Real dysfunction has little that has to do with raised voices.

If I had to nominate just one thing as the most destructive symptom of the dysfunctional workplace, there’s no contest. It’s GOSSIP. And the only way to root it out is by going straight to the source—confronting the gossip directly.

But how do you confront a gossip?

Step one is to recognize that gossip is an attempt at communication— seriously screwed up communication, sure, but communication nonetheless. You can’t eliminate the behavior without providing something to replace it—namely a good and healthy way of communicating.

If Joe was late once again with his report, Jack might be tempted to do a little quiet backstabbing. But if he wants an actual change in Joe’s behavior and a sane workplace, all Jack has to do is to go to Joe and say, “Joe, when you are late with that analysis, I end up on my knees to my boss because then my report is late. Please promise me you’ll get that to me on time from now on.”

Reasonable. Direct. Easy.

If instead Jack makes the wrong choice and comes to you with gossip about Joe, simply say, “Gee, it sounds like you need to talk to Joe directly so you can work this out.” Then add the clincher: “Let’s go over to Joe right now and make your suggestion about what you want to see changed.”

If Jack says, “Oooh, I don’t know if I want to do that, he’ll get mad,” you point out how much madder he would be if he learned that he was being talked about behind his back! “I know you want to do this honestly, so let’s go ask Joe for what you need.” Reasonable. Direct. Easy!

It’s amazing how quickly gossip withers on the vine when you stop feeding it. So have some courage, be the one who not only declares a zero-tolerance policy for talking behind another person’s back, but also walks the walks. Then watch the dysfunction ebb away.

Quick Tip

Be sure to watch yourself as well! Nothing will kill your gossip-free initiative quicker than gossiping yourself.

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